Late-Night Personalities Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

TV's top hosts used the broadcast ridiculing former President Donald Trump's newly launched immigration initiative, dubbed the "golden visa," describing it as a clear cash-for-residency system for the wealthy.

Colbert's Witty Take

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic Christmas jingle about the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, before handing that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... spoils each thing he touches."

The focus was the new plan that permits international nationals to purchase U.S. residency for the price of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" version for five million. The program's portal pledges approval "in record time."

"One thought for you to affluent immigrants: prior to you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the card is also designed to "get cash" from firms wanting to hire skilled workers, with large fees. "That is a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your selection – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"The best background check the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit affluent overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"It might be time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the application, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging approval numbers amid financial worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a effort to address affordability, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted oddly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking right-leaning media arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.